


Worth doing badly

by keysmash



Series: Supernatural s5 Codas [29]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Community: spn_30snapshots, Episode Reaction, F/M, Loss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-23
Updated: 2010-05-23
Packaged: 2017-10-09 16:34:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 999
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/89459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keysmash/pseuds/keysmash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I believe Icarus was not failing as he fell,<br/>but just coming to the end of his triumph.</p><p>from Jack Gilbert's "<a href="http://community.livejournal.com/deux_mille_mots/11905.html">Failing and Flying</a>"</p>
            </blockquote>





	Worth doing badly

**Author's Note:**

> The Devil You Know coda. Written for prompt 28 of my [](http://community.livejournal.com/spn_30snapshots/profile)[**spn_30snapshots**](http://community.livejournal.com/spn_30snapshots/) [table](http://latentfunction.livejournal.com/349450.html); previous codas are also linked in that post. Title from Jack Gilbert.

Sam wiped his blade clean before he got into Dean's car. There was no point in waiting for the blood to dry, and need to be scrubbed later. They couldn't afford to be any sloppier than they already were.

It was a mercy killing, Dean guessed. The demon was smart to pick death over Hell, to let Sam stab him without physically fighting back. Dying would be better than waiting to see what Lucifer — _Lucifer_ — would dole out as punishment, and whoever was in there knew it.

But for Brady, the kid Sam knew before he was possessed, this was the only kind thing. Dean hadn't known the plan involved locking a demon permanently inside that guy. If there was no way out of this, besides death, for the demon, then Brady was in the same boat. He probably hated Sam, for dragging him into this, as much as he hated the demon, but maybe it helped to have an old friend there, at the end. Sam had been mad, as red-hot as Dean had ever seen him, but he was fast, too. He didn't know how to drag out suffering the way Dean did. It was merciful, as much as it could be. Dean was proud of him.

Dean watched Sam deflate as the miles rolled out behind them, and eventually he dropped the bloody scrap of cloth he'd kept clenched in his hand. It fell into the foot well and joined the rest of the crap under Sam's feet, pushed away.

Sam never talked about Brady before. Even if Dean had known the name, going into the office, he wouldn't have made the connection. He didn't even know how Sam met him. Had they had a class together, worked together, lived together, what. Sam barely talked to Dean about Stanford at all, keeping the details and the memories to himself. Dean didn't have a clue.

"Can you pull over, man?" Sam asked eventually. His voice was tight enough for Dean to pull into the breakdown lane right away, without looking for an exit or a rest stop. Sam unbuckled as they slowed and Dean thought he was gonna bolt again, after all, but when Sam opened the door, he swung his feet outside and sat there, leaning his head far out and bracing his hands on his knees. Dean thought then that he was gonna hurl. He looked around for something Sam could rinse his mouth with, but it turned out not to matter than he only came up with his flask. Sam only sat there, taking hitching breaths, and Dean watched his back shake before putting one hand on Sam's back, over his spine and next to his heart.

"It was fake," Sam said. "Everything I thought was good. It was all fake."

Dean sighed. He knew about thinking that the best part of your life, the only good thing you had, actually had demonic fingerprints all over it. There weren't words that would make it better.

"What if she was possessed, too?" Sam went on. He didn't give a name but Dean knew who he meant. They'd been here years before, Sam spitting and coughing down into the grass while the car idled, the two of them still smelling like smoke. He meant Jess now, too.

"No," Dean said. "You'd've known, man."

"I'd never seen a demon before," he said, and then shook his head quickly, forcefully. "Or I thought I hadn't. I didn't figure it out with Brady, and I knew he'd changed somehow. I wouldn't have even known if she was acting different."

"Her other friends would have," Dean tried.

"Wouldn't have mentioned it to her new weirdo boyfriend, though." Sam shook his head again. "They would've thought it was my fault, more like."

Dean knew this, too, second-guessing interactions and trying to figure out if it had been the person you loved, or just something that looked like them. "Sammy," he said, and raised his hand to cover the back of Sam's neck.

"I didn't salt the doors or anything," he said. "I wanted to leave that behind, you know? And I'd been thinking, if I hadn't been so stubborn, I, she might not have." He shrugged, losing momentum. "But maybe it would have kept her out, too."

"Stop." Dean rubbed his thumb over Sam's pulse. "None of this is true. Some demon somewhere would have said something if it was, they wouldn't pass up using this against you."

"Unless they didn't know. None of the others knew about Ruby and look how that turned out."

Dean glanced behind him, making sure the driver's side doors were locked, and then scooted closer to Sam, sliding his hand down Sam's shoulder and around his chest. He tugged to pull Sam more upright, so he leaned back against Dean's own chest. It was weird, squished up in the seat, and Dean sort of (really) wanted to let go, but Sam came to him, so he stayed put.

"Hell of a way to get me angry, to make sure I was gonna lose something," Sam said. "She would've — god, it was probably better for her to die, than to have me keep —"

"Stop," Dean said again, cutting him off. It didn't need to be said. "You're just giving them what they want. They want you like this. Stop it."

"I used to wonder what she could ever see in me," Sam said, but he finally left it at that.

"She'd've been stupid not to see something in you," Dean said. "And that's not the idea you give me of her, man."

Sam sighed, but he straightened more, so they both looked at the scrubby grass at the side of the road. He leaned his temple against Dean's, and Dean ducked to press his face into Sam's neck before letting go. He buckled up again while Sam slammed the door, and then he checked for traffic, coming up behind them, before pulling back onto the road.


End file.
